I'd bless the rains down in Africa

The thing about being so gosh darned human is that every time I think of doing something nice for someone, I soon find myself imagining how nice other people will think I am once they hear what I've done. It sickens me to think how completely incapable I am of genuine kindness, let alone sincere love.

I'm sure some of you are now thinking, "don't be so hard on yourself," but please don't leave me comments saying such nonsense. That's not the point I'm trying to make. This is not self loathing. Rather, it's the simple meditation of an immutable fact.

I know I've heard this described before, a little more eloquently I might add, by some great writer I cannot currently recall. The line I remember goes something like this; The moment we have a pure motive, we are bound to destroy it (with pride) by the very realization that it's pure.

The benefit, for me, of such ruminations is a reminder of my very desperate need for grace; coupled with a very palpable hope that a true and perfect love just might exist. And if such Love resides, by comparison I see, it is thankfully, incredibly, beyond my understanding.


the hamster said...

yeah well, don't be too easy on yourself either. this is a dispicable way of thinking. totally heathen and awful!

but you're in good company. i think exactly the same way. pretty much every motion i make comes after i calculate the number of witnessing eyes or ears to perceive such a glorious hamster-central thing. i even still wonder if cute girls notice me - and i've been married three years!

luckily, such thinking is expected of us. that whole "mind of Christ" thing, that's a promise. no guarantees as to when, but it's promised. in the meantime, the Father uses the light of the Son - CHRIST, THE HOPE OF GLORY, IN US - to sear our hearts and burn off such hideous human wreckage. good. we need it.

i'm glad you wrote this. sometimes i think i'm the only heathen. the body reminds us we are not alone. i'm thankful for your vulnerability.

tamsaunt said...

Ephesians 2:8:
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God

All you have to do is accept the gift.

Angela said...

this post makes me want to hug you and someone named hamster, and i'm not even the hugging type - more of the, serious nod and scrunched brow type.

the hamster said...

hamsters need hugs too. especially plutonically tight "we're-all-in-this-together" edifiable embraces. however, they'll accept the occassional awkward-sidehug when lines of relational comfort have not been solidly formed.

Kimberly said...

I raise my glass to plutonically tight "we're-all-in-this-together" edifiable embraces! :)

Nathaniel said...

Sidehugs make baby Jesus cry.

Capt. Flipout said...

A good friend once told me that he had a dream in which God showed him his "treasure chest" in heaven. You know; the one we all have that is filled with our good works? Thing is, the Lord told him the only things that went into the chest were the good works that nobody knew about. When he opened the chest, it was virtually empty.

the hamster said...

more posts make baby Jesus smile.

(at least, they make me smile. and Jesus lives in me. so i guess that means He's smiling too. maybe not the baby one - more like the ghost-style one. however that works. still haven't figured that out. not sure i will anytime soon. oh well. write more: that's the point.)

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