So I'm never tellin' secrets and I'm never tellin' lies.

So. I've been working on a couple of stories about my relationship with God, how it's changed and still, hopefully, growing after all these years. Not sounding all hoo-doo, voo-doo about it is kinda hard, but my main concern and focus has been removing the "aah" beaming light, harp playing switch that gets flipped on in most people's head when you talk about "spiritual" things. It's turning out to be a rather long process. Thus, my failure to complete much lately, as well as post any of it here on my blog.

My inspiration is John, the beloved disciple. When we studied this book last year, I noticed we do not see Jesus specifically calling him beloved. Instead, it seems as though John gave himself this name. Can you imagine feeling so close to your teacher, your leader, that you can say, "Hey guys, I know He is love and everything, but this Dude's really stoked about me!" I crave a similar intimacy (yet even as I type the word, I hope you're not getting all freaked out by it and thinking married-to-God, Mormonish type thoughts.)

Just this morning, however, a new roadblock went up. Maybe it's from watching Jesse on The Apprentice last night, trying so hard not to exploit his marriage to Sandra Bullock just to win a game show. Maybe it's another mental sabotage, I don't know. But I was woken from the climax of a dream early this morning, and I found myself playing Daniel, trying to interpret the dream and determine my own heart implication. And, as things often go during those little prayers, I found myself wanting to tell the story. My brain sort of went on autopilot and I started choosing all the best words, when it hit me. What are the things I should keep to myself? Are there secrets to be kept between me and God?

And that's where I'd like to end this post. About an hour later, here I am at the computer, typing away. I haven't told you everything, but there's something I'd like to hear from you. What's your answer to this question? How public do you think you should be when it comes to this relationship? Where do you draw the line? Seriously, I want to know. And I'd especially like to hear from those of you who "follow" my blog. You know who you are.


Ann said...

Sometimes I think I share too much. Other times I try to share something that I really want to, but I just can't figure out how to put it into words. So I quit. Other times I'm just afraid to be taken the wrong way.

I think there are things that should be kept between us and God, but I don't always know exactly what those things are. I guess that's part of growing in our relationship with Christ - letting Him guide our sensitivities.

myleswerntz said...

That's such a hard call. I tend to think that when shared rightly, all things can be for edification of the church, but at the same time, there are secrets that should remain with God.

good luck.

Angela said...

ahhhh, janna, that's what poetry is for - all those things that need to be said but still retain their mystery.

Angela said...

oh, and also, speaking of the private and intimate things, i really, really hope you're going to send me something for my sex discussion. ya? and your husband. and your friends. i'm excited. it's good.


The Tucker Family said...

My spiritual journey is part of my story, and I feel like my story is to be told when I'm invited to do so. However, there are pieces of it that are more tender and intimate than others, and in regard to those places especially I try to walk closely with God in knowing when and with whom they are to be shared.

Rhonda said...

The age old question...to share or not to share. I think Christ calls us to be real with one another. He wants us to relate our stories with genuine honesty. However, I don't think that means we have to air all our dirty laundry or share every intimate detail of our relationship with Christ. I think about my realtionship with Christ like I do my relationship with Adam. Some things are not for everyone. That being said, if you are being lead and encouraged to share by the big guy, the Holy Spirit, then share away. Good luck...I never know if it's my own pride that keeps me from sharing or if some parts of my story could be used just as easily for Satan's purposes....how churchy can I sound in one post?

I don't think any of this post will be helpful at all.

Janna said...

Ann, Myles, Angela, Susan and even "churchy" Rhonda (who is not so in real life),

Thank you for your thoughts. You've given me much to ponder.


Greg said...

Hi Janna,

Briefly out of lurking... I always like your thoughts, honesty - s'why I'm here. That in itself answers your question, kind of.

Learning myself, far too late in life, that 'keeping it real' about who and where we are is at the core of our humanity to God relationship. Trying so hard to get, to succeed, to measure up and doing so in the facade that so often is what sucks about church (not God) leaves us eventually.. crumpled heaps of confusion, holding nothing.

Hmmm run-on-sentence rambling thoughts. Oh well. Came across the piece below that for it's deep heart honesty undid me. Open and close to the heart and I could identify. A perfect example that sharing these corners of our heart in our pain and struggle (something I think you do well and with balance) is the essence of 'coming alongside'. For me this transparency helps sustain my stumbling walk.



Rachel said...

As far as personal relationships with God, I am encouraged by people who share details of that relationship. However, I find it difficult to do so myself, because it requires a huge level of humility from me. I think that learning from other people's insights in their relationships with God often help me as I relate to him. I've often considering posting pages of my prayer journal as a blog. The only thing that keeps me from doing it is what other people would think of my whiney requests and tiny faith. I honestly think if I could lay down my pride, there might be good to be gained from me sharing those private conversations. Anyway, I don't know if that helps you or not.