Ten things you’ll wish you never knew about me…

So much for bringing back the funny. Today I feel like being extra honest and giving in to my small need for a good little rant every now and then.

1. I nearly put the word boring in the title of this list because I’m afraid you’ll be utterly bored by it.

2. My mother once asked me on the phone if I was a feminist. When I told her yes, she replied “Janna Beth, I raised you better than that.” I’ve never gotten over the irony of that moment. Feminism is not equal to wearing combat boots and hating men. It just means you have questions about some of the ideas and systems that have been in play during the last few hundred years of predominantly male leadership. It’s about validating the voice of women. That’s it.

3. I never wore a two piece swimsuit until I after I was married. It’s a rare occasion when I wear one these days, but sometimes I want to put on a bikini and drive to the nearest Victoria’s Secret and yell to the world: “This body is okay, too!”

Yes, it has some extra pounds. No, the skin is not flawless. But this earthsuit is 36 years old and it actually gave life to three other humans! Can you say the same for any of the flesh in the photos of this store? I was made for more than being looked at.

4. But on the other hand, I often succumb to the pressure that I’m supposed to be the most attractive woman in the room at any given time. I don’t know whether this is societal pressure, my own squirrely self-consciousness, or some evil demon voice whispering in my ear. Either way I listen to it way too much. Then I have to remind myself, “Why in the world would you want any and every male you encounter to want to sleep with you? That is disgusting!”

5.I suck at giving presents. This year, on Mother’s and Father’s Day both, I didn’t even try.

6. The only people who could ever accuse me of being loud are my children and that’s because they’re the only ones I ever yell at.

7. And now I’m worried that I sound mean and mad instead of boring. (I worry way too much about what other people think of me – that’s part of the reason I wanted to post this list.)

8. I’m way better at keeping my temper in check when other people are watching, which makes me a hypocrite. I’m pretty sure my kids have figured this out already. Sorry, sweeties. You deserve better.

9. About 80% of the time, I actually physically dislike talking. I prefer to sit and listen, to watch and observe, and to think my own thoughts. Lots and lots of them. The other 20% of the time, I need someone to listen to me for a change. And I usually need it 5 minutes ago. I never know in advance when the 80% part of me is going to be full. I just all of a sudden realize that I feel invisible and trapped inside my head. It would be nice to figure out some more predictable schedule. I’m open to suggestions.

10. I sometimes save the leftovers off my kids’ plates and pour their un-drunk kool-aid back in the pitcher.

So there you have it. Thanks for stopping by. Be sure and tell me something not so pleasant about yourself in the comments below. And maybe check out this wonderful song if you have the time.


Anonymous said...

I make lists of things that I'm obviously the only one in the world that notices. It's quite funny to me and makes me scratch my head, but I guess it's annoying to some. Your article was quite funny to be a rant.

Anonymous said...

I need at least 5 pillows to sleep

Anonymous said...

What song? Btw, I pick my teeth with the sweet n low packets and then put them back in their container on the table in restaurants

Janna Barber said...

There's a video for the song, but not sure if you can see it on phones or if it works for everyone. The song was by Andy Osenga, called "Swing Wide the Glimmering Gates"

Anonymous said...

I dug something out of the trash in a store once that was going out of busness.I asked if they were throwing it away and if so, could I have it. Salesclerk looked at me like I had green jello in my hair and just shook her head yes.I left in quite a hurry. oh yeah, they don't even have that brand store around here any more.