Some Good Comments

* In case you don't get the comment feed or didn't read these -- I think they're important thoughts. Thanks for chiming in.

Ann said...

We read a kids' book this week called "Quiet Bunny." It made me think about something...it's okay to be who were are and want more at the same time. It's okay to love your kids without loving being a mom every day. It's okay for me to be thankful that I get to homeschool while knowing that there are things that I really want to do that can't be done while I'm homeschooling. God put us in these positions because that's where He wants to use us, not because we're naturally good at all of the details of it or love it every day. So, love on those kids and hang on to your seat because I'm sure God has much more out there for you, and it will come when you least expect it! Meanwhile, don't you dare feel guilty

 kedw said...
I was thinking the other day on the way to work, that I really need to be something other than just Noah's mom and Chuck's wife. That I am built to Not be a stay at home mom. I always thought that I wanted to stay home full time, but I dont. I need more than that. I wish I could find a part time job, but at least I am doing the best that I can. I miss him terribly every day, I email him a few times a day and call to check on him. But I am not "stuck" with him. I have an out. And I have realized that alot of motherhood is guilt. guilt for not spending enough time with them, guilt for giving them everything, guilt for this and guilt for that. dont guilt yourself for this.

Humans always want more than what they have. anyway, you are not a bad person or bad mother to feel the way you do. You are human!

Janna said...

Most days, the "more" that I want is just this: writing, telling my stories so they encourage other people going through what I've been or am going through. There are bad days though, when I want a shiny new car (not minivan) and my own apartment, with one bathroom, all to myself.

Ann and Kristin, you both make good points. Thanks to you and all the other mothers who have piped up and supported me here over the last couple of years.

Doubtful Muse said...

You're a MomPlus, which means your kids will have more in the end, than if they'd just had a mom, even if she is a super one.

Lisa said...

I really appreciated this post, Janna. I appreciate you putting yourself on the line like this. That's courage!

I want more than Motherhood too. That's why I took the mentor position at MOPS, why I have led a local support group for over nine years and other various ministry work. I want my life to make a difference for the Kingdom of God, and in even more ways than influencing the seven kids I have (even though that's pretty awesome). I don't think wanting more is a bad thing. 

And even not wanting to be a mom at times is ok, as long as you don't give into those feelings. It think learning to die to ourselves is a huge spiritual blessing of motherhood, a part of the sanctifying process of bearing children that the Scriptures talk about. 

But I also think motherhood is about sharing who you are with your kids, taking them with you on your journey through life, sharing your heart, your talents, your gifts. They need a model of how to live life abundantly, which doesn't happen when our lives become too much all about them and their desires. They need to see us as real people, not just servants to cater to their every need. Part of their character training is realizing we have needs too and they benefit from learning to minsiter to others by laying down their lives for them. They can practice on us and come along side us as we model serving others. 

I think the bottom line is putting away selfishness. We don't want to live selfish lives nor do we want to teach our children to be selfish. I could elaborate more but this is enough for a blog comment! LOL!

Janna said...

Tam, I really appreciate your viewpoint. Even though you do not have kids, it's apparent that the women in your life lived out many varied roles, which had a positive influence and impact on your life and work.

Lisa, All that you've said here is exactly why I love having you for a Mentor. Distinguishing between what nourishes my gifts and what is just a selfish excuse is often hard for me. I've often thought the answer is to treat my writing as a part time job, with a specific location and specific hours, so that when I'm home, I'm really HOME. But since I am not currently making any income with my words, it's hard to make that answer come to life, or even be a priority. I'm afraid my model of living an abundant life before them is a bit lacking at this point. Maybe I'll get it all worked out someday.


Doubtful Muse said...

Hi Janna,

Even though I don't have kids, I certainly wanted them, and I thought through many of the issues I'd face if I did have them -- and this was one of the big ones, so I can relate, even though my situation is different.

The thing that stands out to me upon reading your other blog post and the comments is that you are a talented person, both as a writer, and in other ways, and regardless of how it plays out in your feelings of personal guilt, I'm not sure you would be doing your kids a tremendous favor by denying or foregoing these valuable parts of yourself as some kind of a sacrifice to motherhood.

What I mean is that you are teaching them the value of a woman as well as the value of a mother. Yes; a mother is the most important person to most of us, but there are other things at stake here as well. e.g., You are modeling to Laney how to be a grown up woman with dreams -- I'm sure you don't want her to learn that she should give up her own dreams. And I'm sure you don't want Sam and Benjamin to learn that their future wives should do that either.

The fact is that you can still be a wonderful mother and keep writing and doing these other things that make you happy. And if you do that, then you'll be giving your children the best of all possible worlds -- not just a mother, but an intelligent, fulfilled mother.

I was positively influenced by all of the women (mother, grandmothers, aunts, etc.) in my life and none of them were *just* mothers. Even when they weren't working at an actual job, they were always doing something *important* besides taking care of kids (it was always understood that was important too of course), but it was never the only thing.

Sorry this was so long, but I thought it was worthwhile to note.


Lisa said...

You love having me for a mentor?! Aw, thanks, you made my day...no my week, maybe even my month!

Oh, how often do I wish for formulas to figure out life's dilemnas! Even though it would make life so much easier, it would deprive God and us of having a relationship with Him. The truth is that sometimes God *does* want us to give up our dreams, sometimes He wants to replace them with His dreams for us, maybe something greater than we ever imagined. There are other times he calls us to lay them down for a while. And still other times when our dreams line exactly up with what He has in mind for us and He gives us the desires of our hearts. Only God, who knows and sees it all, has the answers.

Janna, I'm praying that as you seek His will for you during this time in your life that God will make very clear to you what He wants and that you will have the courage and trust to obey!

Love ya!

Anonymous said...

Hey Janna

Been trying to make contact with you for some time now. You have a beutiful family. Your writtings are amazing. I left you an email at the jbbabyyahoo from this site. I would love to her from you. You are not that far away.

Hillary Briggs
(old pasadena buddy)