We read a kids' book this week called "Quiet Bunny." It made me think about something...it's okay to be who were are and want more at the same time. It's okay to love your kids without loving being a mom every day. It's okay for me to be thankful that I get to homeschool while knowing that there are things that I really want to do that can't be done while I'm homeschooling. God put us in these positions because that's where He wants to use us, not because we're naturally good at all of the details of it or love it every day. So, love on those kids and hang on to your seat because I'm sure God has much more out there for you, and it will come when you least expect it! Meanwhile, don't you dare feel guilty
Humans always want more than what they have. anyway, you are not a bad person or bad mother to feel the way you do. You are human!
Most days, the "more" that I want is just this: writing, telling my stories so they encourage other people going through what I've been or am going through. There are bad days though, when I want a shiny new car (not minivan) and my own apartment, with one bathroom, all to myself.
Ann and Kristin, you both make good points. Thanks to you and all the other mothers who have piped up and supported me here over the last couple of years.
You're a MomPlus, which means your kids will have more in the end, than if they'd just had a mom, even if she is a super one.
I really appreciated this post, Janna. I appreciate you putting yourself on the line like this. That's courage!
I want more than Motherhood too. That's why I took the mentor position at MOPS, why I have led a local support group for over nine years and other various ministry work. I want my life to make a difference for the Kingdom of God, and in even more ways than influencing the seven kids I have (even though that's pretty awesome). I don't think wanting more is a bad thing.
And even not wanting to be a mom at times is ok, as long as you don't give into those feelings. It think learning to die to ourselves is a huge spiritual blessing of motherhood, a part of the sanctifying process of bearing children that the Scriptures talk about.
But I also think motherhood is about sharing who you are with your kids, taking them with you on your journey through life, sharing your heart, your talents, your gifts. They need a model of how to live life abundantly, which doesn't happen when our lives become too much all about them and their desires. They need to see us as real people, not just servants to cater to their every need. Part of their character training is realizing we have needs too and they benefit from learning to minsiter to others by laying down their lives for them. They can practice on us and come along side us as we model serving others.
I think the bottom line is putting away selfishness. We don't want to live selfish lives nor do we want to teach our children to be selfish. I could elaborate more but this is enough for a blog comment! LOL!
Tam, I really appreciate your viewpoint. Even though you do not have kids, it's apparent that the women in your life lived out many varied roles, which had a positive influence and impact on your life and work.
Lisa, All that you've said here is exactly why I love having you for a Mentor. Distinguishing between what nourishes my gifts and what is just a selfish excuse is often hard for me. I've often thought the answer is to treat my writing as a part time job, with a specific location and specific hours, so that when I'm home, I'm really HOME. But since I am not currently making any income with my words, it's hard to make that answer come to life, or even be a priority. I'm afraid my model of living an abundant life before them is a bit lacking at this point. Maybe I'll get it all worked out someday.