But these days I find it best reign in those fantasies since I am happily married and the people I am angry with are people I hope to be able to forgive some day. And over the years, I've learned to recognize this pattern of life whacking me over the head and me running to hide. Truth is, the hiding doesn't do any good, pain knows how to find me. So I want to pay attention. I want to look in the mirror and feel sad enough for the tears to roll out of my eyes. Not so I can wallow in it, but so I can name the grief for what it is and give it space to work. There is a time to mourn. And when things come to an end, real relief is not found in imaginary scenarios.
There are so many ways to hide and escape. Some, like simply keeping busy, seem pretty manageable, but so many others can slowly morph into addictions. And soon the cure becomes the disease, robbing us of true pleasure during the good times. I don't have this all figured out yet, but I believe what Jack and Joy say about how the pain is part of the happiness.
And the quietness here on the blog can not be helped for now. The details are not mine to share, only the sorrow. I am thankful to work through it a bit in words. And even more thankful to those of you who are reading them now. Your comments are grace.